Comfortable being Uncomfortable

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,  I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)

Have you ever been told to get comfortable being uncomfortable? Doesn't sound right, does it? Yet, I'm sure we've all been in our fair amount of situations where up was down and down was up ... where we went in a situation feeling confident of what was to come and coming to find out it is nothing what you were expecting or could have imagined or even anticipated to be ... where one minute your feet are safe and sturdy on solid ground and the next it is as if the ground has been pulled up from under you and you either have fallen flat on your face or you find yourself on the ground looking up and undoubtedly asking .... What just happened? How did I get here? What do I do now because I didn't see that coming?

Been there and done that and pretty sure I still have more to come. An experience that stands out in my life was the time where I was transitioning from losing a job to losing my dad to gaining a husband who had conveniently been very comforting, supportive, accepting, and helpful to me during my time of bereavement all within a year. I was strangely calm and accepting of being let go from my job of 9 years. I was strangely calm and accepting of being thrust into an environment that I had painstakingly tried to run away from all of my life (going back home and being around family) and caring for my father in his last living months. I was strangely, even more calm on the day we buried my dad and afterwards hearing clearly that the man I was to marry was the man who I had just met 3 weeks prior to my dad's death and then to leave with him to Korea. However, after we were married that's when all hell broke loose and the confidence I had had in all the previous trials and tribulations seemed to not be with me in a time that I should have been the most peaceful, happy, and content. Crazy ... right?

Well, that's just one moment that stands out of many and rest assured God has answered and helped me with the blank stare I had upon my confused state of "where is my peace ... I'm married now ... so where is my peace". Praise the Lord! But this is a perfect example that explains the above scripture. A lot of my problem when I was first married was I had baggage from previous relationships including my parental relationship with my mother and father. We all have baggage that we know of and oftentimes are unaware of. Needless to say, the more I forget those things that are past from my life to the offenses that have been incurred against me today and press forward, I feel light, fresh, and peaceful.

I have digressed a little off of the path of my originally intended discussion but bear with me. What does forgetting the past and pressing toward the future have to do with getting comfortable with being uncomfortable? Good question. The past can hold us back from our future if we are stuck in it or carrying it with us. The reason I had peace prior to getting married was because I had a very strong connection to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was in unity with them and leaned not to my own understanding but in all my ways acknowledged and trusted in Him. So when the unforeseen came upon me and rocked my world I was not afraid or dismayed because I trusted in the author and finisher of my faith. And because I was in unity with Him, I was also able to hear His forewarning of things to come so I was somewhat prepared.

Let me go a little more in depth ... Take 1 Kings 17:1-15, Elijah, God's prophet, was forewarned that a drought was coming, then God told him to go to a brook where he would stay and be fed by ravens. Because of the drought, the brook dried up and God then told him to go to a widow who would feed him. The widow only had enough food for her and her son and she trusted God and gave food to His prophet and she and her son had enough food to eat for 3 years. In these few scriptures, Elijah did not know his future, he had to trust and depend on God. He also had to take heed to the warning that no more rain was coming so he had to know that the brook he was used to would dry up after while. He then had to go to a widow whom he did not know and trust that she would give him food. And if that's not enough, the widow had to take a detour and change the direction of her original plan to make a last meal for herself and her son and die.

Without delaying any further ... don't allow complacency to keep you from your full potential, your true destiny to be more than what and who you are right now. We should always be growing, changing, and challenging ourselves to reach and realize our total greatness. And don't worry about comparing yourself to no one else but yourself. We are our own greatest enemy. Don't look to your left and don't look to your right, but run your own race and most importantly DON'T EVER GIVE UP! But know that sometimes ... we are going to have to do things we've never done to get to places or to receive blessings we've never been to or ever had before. Don't be afraid to leave your past behind, forgive past regrets, hurts, and offenses. Dare to not look back but look forward to the unknown and give it all you have. Get comfortable being uncomfortable and live your best life.

Time is what you make of it ... you can either waste it or make the most of it. You're on the clock ....

Generational Cycles

     I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.
                                                  ~ 2 Timothy 1:5

After a conversation with my lovely mother yesterday, I was compelled to share my thoughts on the cycles of the family. NO, I am not a licensed or trained psychologist or psychiatrist, just utilizing my 1st amendment right. Anyway, I have always discussed with my mom and sister that the manner in which our family behaves, responds, and most often thinks is a result of our family heritage.

I have seen over time the similarities between my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my immediate family and one has to ask the question....where did it all begin? I will not dwell on the bad but will uplift the positive and am happy to share that one of the behaviors that has definitely been passed down from generation to generation is our belief in God our Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I come from a praying family of women. One of the first revelations I remember God showing me, after giving my life to Christ...again, was who prayed for me in my life and it was a list of women throughout life namely my family.

So, as I often reflect on the bad things that I have inherited, I am grateful to acknowledge the positive as well. My family worries and that's what my mother and I spoke about yesterday. Worry has somehow passed from generation to generation in my family. I don't know where it all started, but I know where it's going to end. I don't know where prayer started, but I'm happy to continue in this behavior for the bible admonishes us to "not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

I'm not sure where we started worrying but kept praying or kept worrying and started praying, but the verse above makes it clear We cannot worry and pray at the same time. Of all the things the people in my life share with me in regards to my life decisions and what I should have or should not have done I wish we could start being more cognitive of what we are REALLY passing along to our family. We must do more than just talk about it, but as my husband preached last Sunday, we must also be willing to let our light shine by also being doers of the very thing we preach about. And it has been my distinct pleasure to experience that "prayer works" even when it looks like there is no way, God shows you His way.

If nothing else, as the introductory scripture shows, faith can be passed from generation to generation. So even though there may be some negative generational cycles, take the good and leave the bad...I plan to.

And last but not least, although I dislike a lot of the things that go on in my family and sometimes wish we highlighted more of the good instead of the bad as well as being a part of another family altogether I have to admit that my mother is a glowing example of the woman of God that I would not mind becoming one day, in the eyes of God for God sees our heart. So, in seeing our heart, this is what the bible says about our elders...

"No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband,  and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds." (1 Timothy 5:9-10)

Thank you God for a praying family and for a grandmother and mother who taught me about You, shared the gospel of Christ with me and who even now continues to pray for me and my family.

I'm gay

OK, so I am sometimes a bit of a perfectionist and I wanted this post to be a little more professional or at least better written, but I must obey the Holy Spirit and get this out here. Bear with me, in love please.

I'm gay. There, I said it, I'm out and I couldn't be more happier about it. Get it? Happy? I wonder when the word "gay" began to predominantly mean homosexual? I'm a gay person, naturally and spiritually happy and I am also a Christian. I guess there lies the conundrum, or does it?

Let me take a second and vent about the backlash I have received all my life because I smile too much or appear to be too happy all the time. Of all the things for people to dislike about me...REALLY??? But I think what bothered me the most about this unfair isolation is that I received that same treatment/judgement from my Christian brethren. This is a small digression from my subject matter to minimally correlate or at least introduce the FACT that I too have been hurt by the church...I too have often felt pressured by the church to feel something that I didn't feel, say things I didn't necessarily know what they meant, and even do things that at the time I was uncomfortable doing. I was in a sense bullied by the church at one point in time or another but that did not keep me from seeking God our Father, Jesus our Lord and Savior, and the Holy Spirit because ultimately it's my personal relationship with Christ that matters. And how do the lyrics go...only God can judge me, so either love me or leave me alone.

Thanks for that momentary detour, now back to our regularly scheduled program. The LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-, trans-) community has been heavy on my heart for a while. Let me officially state that I LOVE YOU for He first loved me. I have no authority or leeway to judge, condemn or throw daggers/stones. We all need Jesus. :) I was met with a scripture in my inbox today that I believe is God's way of answering a subconscious question that has been plaguing me for a bit and is perfect for today. I received it from Joseph's Prince's Meditate and Believe Right daily email for reference purposes.

…And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
John 8:11

To keep this post from going on and on, I'll just get to it. From listening to the journalist Lisa Ling, who presented the confrontation of the Exodus victims and current leaders in a round table type of setting on screen, to talking with my Pastor and 1st Lady, to reading today's email I am convinced that there is nothing wrong with gays and the opportunity to come to Christ and transform their life is available just as it is to anyone else. I believe that we have all fallen short of God's glory and we all need to be saved. In saying that, we are inevitably going to come across people who call themselves Christians who will impart wrong theology and seemingly play judge and condemner without thought to what I refer to the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13. God is love and love NEVER fails. My Pastor patiently reminded me of that last night.

So, if the church has hurt you in any way, the first thing you want to do is, seek God and forgive them immediately then pray for them/us. There are so many sayings and biblical scripture like, Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do and charge it to their/my mind and not their/my heart. Please do not let anyone or thing keep you from getting to know Christ, from accepting Him in your life forever.

Second, know that change is not going to happen overnight for anyone. If I can also add this to this section, also don't be so hard on yourself. Don't try so hard in your own strength and intellect. All that is going to do is tire you out, make you frustrated and take your eyes off of Him and back on you and others. So just like one has to be in the right mindset to lose weight - have the right attitude, patience, and understanding that it's not all about how you start but that you do start and .... finish well. All God needs is a willing heart who desires to please Him above all else. That's it! Sometimes I forget that too. But a participant from the Lisa Ling "Ex-Gay" segment referenced the bible in this way, saying "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:35-40 NIV).

Finally, read the Word of God, the bible. Take time learning what He has to say on the subject versus what others say. Spend time with Him, talk to Him and trust that He will never leave you nor forsake you. I believe that when you do this, He will answer your questions/concerns, He will give you a peace that cannot be explained, and He will guide you to or send people to you who will minister to you and help you along your journey.

If you want to take that step today and/or you desire to be prayed with or just want godly counsel please do not hesitate to email me or my Pastors at Go & Teach Christian Ministries (GATCM).

And just to ensure there is no confusion, I am not a lesbian, homosexual, bi-sexual, or trans. I am happily married to a man who God chose especially for me.

In the name of the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spirit

Before I begin, ask yourself these 4 questions:

1) What do I know about the Holy Spirit?
2) Is it (He) necessary?

3) How often do I pray in my heavenly language (in the Spirit)?

4) What does the word say about the Spirit?

When I was first saved at the early age of 8 or 9, I confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that Jesus was Lord and Savior of my life who died on the cross and rose on the 3rd day for my sins, my life. I was also later baptized by water in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit according to Matthew 28:19.

I was a young soldier for Christ and even at that age, I was aware that there was something different about me. I felt God’s love, I hungered and thirsted after Him. I was blessed with a neighbor who took me under her wing to pray with me and for me. It was during these times in prayer with her I would hear her mumble and speak in a language I could not comprehend. I thought her to be crazy. I would sometimes just open my eyes during prayer and stare at her wondering what she was doing and saying.

Fast forward 24 or 25 years later at the age of 33 and I had visited churches and been in the presence of others who jumped, shouted, danced and spoke in an unknown language or the bible refers to other tongues. Up until this point in my life, I had never inquired about the Holy Spirit and the speaking in tongues. I was told that when people went to jumping and shouting in an uncontrolled manner that they “got the Holy Ghost” or filled with the Spirit. But it looked dangerous to me and kind of crazy. Then there was the tongue thing, I was intrigued, but didn’t know what they were saying so I couldn’t decipher whether it was something a Christian was “supposed to do” or “should do”. I finally came to the conclusion that they must be super holy to do that.

Even when I back slid after first giving my life to Christ, I believed that one will know the truth when one hears the truth. The truth touches my spirit even if I cannot at first explain it, but you have a peace that tells you that it is the truth. Well, I was blessed with a woman co-Pastor as my spiritual mother, my guide, my example and ensample here on earth and she very lovingly explained to me Who the Holy Spirit is and what our heavenly language (unknown tongue) was all about. (There is a testimony behind this but later for that.) She first addressed my assumption that if I was supposed to have “it” that “it” would just come to me, somehow just magically I would start speaking in tongues or something like that. She, by the anointing that God has placed on her life, explained that God is a gentle God, He does nothing without our conscious awareness of asking for His blessings and promises. Which, immediately spoke to what I knew of Him from the beginning. Choice. We must ask Him to come into our hearts. We ask Him to be saved from eternal damnation. And then we accept Him, we surrender to Him because we love Him and trust Him for He first loved us (John 3:16). God allows us to choose, He never forces Himself on us. That made sense to me or at least to my spirit. Then she explained to me the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I said wait a minute, I’ve been baptized already and I have the Holy Spirit. She agreed with me that I had, but then she asked, have you been baptized with evidence of speaking in tongues. That I had not. In order to understand this doctrine, read Acts 2 and throughout the book it lends scripture to being filled with the Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues as well as being baptized by water.

Now, that explains my story and background with the Holy Spirit. And it also gave me a newfound confidence when at the end of my prayers I now knew who our Father was, the Son was, and the Holy Spirit was to me and in my life. So, first off, the Holy Spirit is not an it, the Holy Spirit is a He. And He is our comforter, our guide, and the one who convicts our heart when we are wrong. Others might be able to easily identify Him also as our conscience, our internal barometer of right and wrong, the small voice on the inside of us.

Now, without further ado, I will jump straight into the 4th question asked at the beginning of this message which is what the word or bible says about the Holy Spirit.  Jude 20 admonishes us as dear friends to build ourselves up in our most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit. In the same way, in Romans 8:26, Paul explains that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” How many times have you been so distraught, broken, and weary that you don’t know what to pray, you have no words, but all you can do is cry, moan, and groan? Yeah, I’ve been there a quite a few times myself. Paul or someone greatly influenced by Paul encourages us to put on the armor of the Lord which includes the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, our feet fitted with the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. He adds that we should “pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people (Ephesians 6:14-18).

My final thoughts I leave with you concerning the very Spirit of Jesus Christ sent back to dwell within us is this. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41 & Mark 14:38) After asking our Father to be baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues and the receiving of it, I felt weird just conjuring up a language I didn’t know what I was speaking and what I was saying. I didn’t feel like doing it when our Pastors would lead us all into a moment of prayer in speaking in our heavenly language. I felt like an imposter. I now know that was the enemy and as the previous scripture said, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We must exercise our faith, we must build ourselves up and press into His presence as mature saints and sons of the most High. The enemy doesn’t want us praying for one another, and discerning what is to come so that we will be prepared. Also, a big motivating factor for me is the enemy cannot understand the language spoken from our Spirit to our Father in heaven. He can’t decipher what we are praying for in our heavenly language. It’s like a special language between us and our Father. 

“So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding” (1 Corinthians 14:15). Ask God to help you with understanding and discernment of prayer when praying in your heavenly language. I am a living testimony that my prayer life is richer and I am able to understand more and more of what my spirit is praying and the will of the Father as I’m praying for prayer is a conversation between the Father and us. We must be available to listen as well as petition on behalf of ourselves and others. If you want to read more about this subject visit Paula White’s webpage.

  

Control

I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air:
But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
(1 Corinthians 9:26-27)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Forgive me for taking so long to write this post. Since moving back to the States from Korea in October to getting moved in on post here in Ft. Leonard Wood, MO, I have learned the importance of control (self-discipline). I gained 20 lbs from the end of October to the beginning of December 2012 because of my lack of control.

It is my belief that everyone has their own personal strengths and weaknesses. While one person can sing well, another person may be great with numbers and so on and so forth. I don’t know if a person can have self-discipline as a gift or talent, but control is necessary for everyone. If there is one thing I have learned in my time on this earth is that balance is a must. Our bodies perform better when we have a balanced meal with daily exercise and water which helps to keep our bodies pH balanced. Our hair needs to be pH balanced and our hair responds positively when our bodies are healthy and balanced too.

I digress, this post is about my obedience to God in truth and spirit. If I say I am a Christian, I must be a Christian 100%. I’m not perfect but whatever He points out to me that needs working on, I need to pay attention. I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I have felt in one way or another during my journey in this life people judge me. Like smoking, being overweight or obese is considered a weakness. The question is why can’t you take control of your life and just back away from the table? Right?! Well, God wisely told me that He will do His part if I do mine. I cannot expect to be a size 8 eating cinnamon rolls and fries all day and night and then have the nerve not to even exercise.

Paul said that he brings his body under subjection meaning he is in control of his body and not the other way around. One of the fruits of the spirit is temperance or in other words self-control. It takes self-control to fast which in turn strengthens the spirit. So, it is my belief that learning to be more consistent in my life as well as controlling my flesh will in turn help to strengthen my spirit man to hear from God more clearly which will in turn help me to obey Him more quickly. Being able to control my flesh will allow me to walk by faith and not by sight with more determination and resolve to not be distracted, not be deterred from this choice I’ve made to follow Him, to serve Him, to love Him.
Since I’ve been monitoring my diet, pushing back from the table, and exercising my clothes fit a little better, I feel great, my body is responding with less aches and pain and I have more energy to do all the things I want to do and more. Self-control is not just about what I put in my body, but also what comes out including the words I speak. I am excited to exercise self-control in all aspects of my life.

Are you in control ... with the help of the Holy Spirit and by the grace of God? If not, you can be because if I can do it, so can you. Email if you want to know more about God our Father, Jesus Christ our Savior, and the Holy Spirit.